The No. 1 Self-Care Mistake You're Probably Making

The secret to self-care? Well, it starts by making time for self.

Lately I’ve been swimming in this feeling of overwhelm. It’s as if there’s not enough time in the day to get the things done that I want to do. I wake up. I run. I shower. I get dressed. I go into my office until about 7:00 p.m., when I make myself leave the office and transition into the living room so that I can start to wind down from the workday — even though there’s more work to be done. In full transparency, this overwhelm will pay off, as I’m busy trying to get ahead so that I can integrate other people into my business (read: Interns! A podcast editor! A video editor!). Again, super exciting, after years of keeping this thing afloat solo. 

However, I noticed late last week that I hadn’t picked up the phone to talk to either of my parents in some time, something that is usually a staple during my days. I felt worn down, and my voice didn’t exactly sound stellar. I had no plans with friends. While I was so excited to get away for a few days in Miami from Saturday to Tuesday morning — once I was there, I found myself in my head and often to-do listing instead of in the present and welcoming my surroundings. I was on the beach alone on Monday morning when it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks: 

Why aren’t you where your feet are?

I promised myself to be more intentional. I took a walk down by the water, felt it cascade over my toes, and asked myself: 

What can you do to calm down?
How can you be more present?
What can make you happy now? 
Are you giving yourself grace?

Later that afternoon, I got together with friends I hadn’t seen in a while and felt like my cup was instantly full. I was so grateful to be in company where I could express these feelings and find a sense of belonging knowing that I’m not the only one.

I got home Tuesday midday, and come Wednesday morning as the overwhelm crept back in I asked myself the same questions:

What can you do to calm down?
How can you be more present?
What can make you happy now? 
Are you giving yourself grace?

I tackled the monster on my to-do list. I made plans with friends for Thursday and Friday nights. I decided to take one of my afternoon calls on a walk around the block instead of at my desk. Come 7:00 p.m., I made one of my favorite meals (scallops with spaghetti, olive oil, and red pepper flakes), blasted music, and danced around my apartment. I took a bath. Drank Beam Dream.

TAKE THAT, overwhelm.

It helped. It was also a big reminder to me: You are in control of how you respond to your feelings. And in order to respond, you have to give yourself some dedicated time to take care of you. For those of you who have felt this way lately, too, I see you. Take back control. I, for one, can tell you it feels great.

PROMPT: What’s one thing you can do today to bring a little slice of joy into your life?

Emily Abbate