Juicy, isn't it?

Last Sunday I put on jeans and curled my hair. As the morning light streamed in from the window and the clock ticked past 9:45, I grabbed my new straw hat and made my way down the four flights of stairs. An avenue and a few blocks later, I met up with a friend. The two of us headed downtown for brunch, something I haven’t done in a long, long time. We linked up with a friend of hers. It felt good just to say the word “brunch,” nevertheless do it. The three of us caught up over avocado toast and cold brew coffees.

Long story short: Afterward, we ran into friends of my friends — one of whom ultimately asked for my number. After some witty banter, he propositioned me for a date. We set it. Then, he rescheduled once. After the switch-up, we had the typical “what do you do for work?” text exchange. Upon revealing how I make a living, I got the ever-popular: “Wow, you’re all over the Internet, eh?” response. Then, he quipped that he’d have to start listening to the show to pregame our drinks.

… the morning of our date, he canceled. 

I got the notification on my watch mid-run. I glanced down and read it. He said that he had to duck out of our plans (again). He was heading upstate for the weekend, and his ride wanted to get on the road a day earlier than he expected. He understood if I didn’t want to reschedule after a second shift on his account. “If the shoe was on the other foot, I probably wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”

I probably wouldn’t have thought that much about the logistical mix-up — hey, it happens — had he not added that last tidbit. I couldn’t help but wonder: Was he really heading out of town early? 

Or maybe, he simply didn’t like what he found online.

Regardless, the message didn’t make me feel awesome. At that moment, I fought the humidity and picked up the pace as I felt the sweat beading on my shins to run my fastest mile of the morning. The run enabled me to gain back some control over my emotions. The run reminded me, as it often does, that I’m capable of pushing through hard things.

Maybe I’ll end up seeing him. Maybe I won’t. I still haven’t answered that message (yet). To be honest, today’s blog isn’t really about this guy. It’s about what happened as a result of that interaction: A small amount of time where I doubted my awesomeness. 

! Expletive warning !

Fuck that.

I’m a confident woman. I’m proud of so many of the things I’ve done. Like so many of you reading this, I’ve worked really hard, on a lot of things. My inner dialogue. My fitness. Building a brand from the ground up — solo. I make big asks. I’ve learned how to be my own hype (wo) man, and that I won’t be able to please everyone at all times. I get vulnerable. And I do all of these things in a semi-public way because I hope that my work inspires others to try hard, too. To encourage them to live healthier, more inspired life — whatever that looks like for them.

I used to feel like I had to apologize for being “a lot.” I used to think that the “right” partner for me would be someone that balanced me out. Perhaps, I needed to be with someone who was more of the “strong and silent” type. This Goldilocks relationship would help me reel things in.

If this sounds familiar to you, let me be the first person to tell you this today: You don’t need anyone to reel you in. In fact, you’re great as you are. And while we’re at this, if you happen to find yourself wondering from time to time if there’s something “wrong with you” because you’re not in a relationship — there isn’t. If there are people that make you feel like you’re “too much,” whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or otherwise — well, those likely aren’t your people. 

I’m definitely still doing the work. I always will be. But us “a lot”-ers — we have to own it. How great is it that I’m this way? The way I see it: We have the opportunity to be a lot. To make a difference. To leave a mark.

The date that never happened? It was a helpful, timely reminder for me not to let one person’s (maybe) opinion ever deter me from my mission. To embrace who it is that I am fully.

Hopefully one for you, too.

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PROMPT: What’s one personality trait you love about yourself? What is one trait about yourself you would like to change?