How To Make New Friends As An Adult
Want to? I'm here to help.
To say that my friendships have been in flux over the last few years would be a total understatement. As people come and go in and out of my space, whether they’re moving to new parts of the country or perhaps simply transitioning into different life phases — I’ve come to learn a big lesson: Proximity can be a game-changer for friendships, but the right people will stay in your life whether or not you can be physically together. This week on the show, I chatted with Kristina Rodulfo — the Beauty Director at Women’s Health and a gal pal of mine — about tips for making friends as an adult, and I wanted to bring some takeaways to the newsletter.
1. A common interest is a great jumping off point for friendship: Want to make a new friend? Seek out other individuals who have shared interests, whether that be a podcast, activity, career goal — you name it. If you’re not sure how to find these humans, start getting active in your local community (in a way that you feel safe a la COVID-19). I was exposed to a ton of new people when I got more involved in the New York running community. Since we all enjoy the same thing — lacing up — it’s a great ice breaker.
2. Be specific with your hang ask. So you’ve found someone that could ~possibly~ be your new friend. Awesome! When it comes to getting together, and don’t overcomplicate things. Rather than proposing a marathon of different activities to do (a workout class followed by coffee followed by brunch) — pick one. This gives you time to get to know each other a bit better without overcommitting.
3. Remember to be honest with yourself, is this friendship serving you? Making new friends is a lot like dating. You may go on a friend date and realize that you aren’t as into it as you thought you’d be. That’s OK! As Kristina says in the episode, “lukewarm” relationships that are just filler so that you’re not spending time alone may not be the best thing for you. Plus: Spending time alone can actually help you get to know yourself better AND be a better friend to others — when you’re ready.
Another note: Something that Lori Harder and I spoke about last week (episode coming soon!) is the importance of surrounding yourself with people that inspire you to be better. When she reflects on her time in the fitness industry versus her time doing more personal development work, she says that her social circle completely changed in that transition. Every once in a while, do an honest audit of your space, and ask yourself if you feel excited about your people.
4. Embrace friendship “seasons”: Some friendships are for life. Others won’t be. It takes a lot of grace to accept that every person in your life will play a different role, and sometimes it’s not the role you’d hoped for. If a friendship isn’t feeling right anymore, you certainly owe it to one another to be honest about the sitch. Perhaps, taking space to grow apart could be good for you. Then, revisit the relationship at another time — if it feels right. Forcing it won’t be good for either party.
PROMPT: Who is the most recent friend that you made and what do you appreciate about them?
Note: I don’t have this all figured out. In fact, just because I’ve been able to establish some solid ground rules for making friends and put them into practice doesn’t mean I’m never lonely or always have someone to do all the things with. Know that however you feel in your quest to make and maintain relationships as you get older, you’re certainly not alone. Have patience and compassion, and be proud of you for putting yourself out there.