Finding a New Confidence
I never dreamed that I would be *this* person, but here we are.
The scene: 6:04 a.m. Minimal lights on in the apartment, Up First playing through the bedroom Sonos. I’m digging through my hamper wearing nothing but my underwear and a sports bra, looking for my favorite black shorts. I could swear that they’re were clean, but at this particular moment they’re nowhere to be found.
… Of course, I’m not going to wear them if they’re in the hamper. But, the anxious part of me is slightly concerned. that I may or may not have dropped them while doing laundry the day before. As the clock creeps closer toward my leave time of 6:22 (to be specific), I forgo my efforts and reach for my second favorite pair in the third drawer of my white dresser — just a few feet away.
Minutes later, as I comb my brown hair back into a low bun, it hits me:
When did I become the woman who swore by running in shorts in October?
Heck.
When did I become a woman who enjoyed running in shorts at all?
I stood there, wondering what really brought about this change, especially because whether I’m Emily at 200+ pounds circa 2007 or at my current size, my thighs have always rubbed together. They still do. For as long as I can remember, I avoided shorts for the most part.
Arguably, the fact that I recently figured out exactly what shorts work for my body makes a major difference. For years, I battled with the dreaded chafe, despite using a decent amount of Bodyglide/Megababe/[insert name of other anti-chafe stick, here] and trying to pick better bottoms.
For the first time ever, I wore shorts for a half-marathon in February earlier this year. It was in Miami, and I knew I could potentially overheat very quickly in my go-to capris. I was astounded and so liberated when the day’s effort went successfully, feeling as though I conquered what once felt like an impossible hurdle. (Sadly, those special shorts are no longer in production — I miss you, Lululemon Train Times short.)
As great as it is to have some go-to pairs now, though, I really think that the game-changer is my newfound confidence. Keyword: Newfound. It’s taken me years to come into my own in this body and truly appreciate what it does for me each and every day. Regardless of how someone may look on the outside, their inner dialogue is critical to overall wellbeing. After lots of work on my inner dialogue, I’m now less self-conscious. I’ve stopped worrying so much about what other people may think about me wearing shorts and realize now that perhaps — no one was actually thinking anything at all.
This confidence enables me to be more comfortable.
This confidence enables me to just be me:
No extra fabric required.
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PROMPT: What’s a story that you’ve been telling yourself that’s not true?